Sure as night follows day, it is coming. The goose is getting fat (as if it was svelte by default). Supermarkets are going ballistic, embracing crazy season as they pounce on the potential to improve the bottom line prior to the year end, and we become indebted so little Jay can have the PS4 super slim that he has ‘always’ dreamed of.
Like waiting for the Virgin West line train, the anticipation is frustrating yet palpable, but it’s kind of OK when it gets here. The televisual buffet cart gets cheaper by the year, but the company is great, and it saves buying any Lynx Africa until next June.
Some, however, have given up on Yuletide. Despite being gilded due to the success of Aha!, which is a band name that doesn't require an exclamation mark but has been afforded one anyhow, Magne Furuholmen, aka ‘Mags’, the erstwhile keyboardist with the 1980’s chart stormers has come out to ‘reflect’ on the darker side of Christmas present.
Highly unlikely to trouble the popular music charts as he once did with Take On Me, The Sun Always Shines On TV and, well, others I can't remember the name of, he has just recorded an album called White Christmas Lies with tracks entitled A Punch Up On Boxing Day, The Season To Be Melancholy and Dark Days, Dark Nights. Despite being married and a father (I pity the mini Mags who will be receiving this musical offering in their stockings this year), he has explained the ethos behind the musical output: "I feel ashamed to be a part of Christmas.
"It is a tacky, superficial celebration in stark contrast to the original Christmas message of hope, charity and compassion."
One might argue that compassion is giving a loved one a gift they long for, would use and desire, and not giving a pregnant woman but a bit of space in a barn surrounded by barnyard animals which cannot be argued is hygienic in the least.
‘Mags’ drew his inspiration from broken family ties and ‘resentment hidden behind fake jocular smiles’, yet, despite my joshing, he may just be onto something. The older we get the more we bemoan Christmas. Some spend days, nay weeks ‘preparing’. We buy a non-drop tree from a traveller in a Morrisons car park for 40 quid that ejects all its needles in the back of the Mazda 5 before it is anywhere near its new resting place. The search for the ‘perfect’ turkey becomes mission critical, as if we are poultry aficionados, and we purchase numerous Amazon Prime ‘on offer’ gifts before realising the reality is not as good as the promo picture. Factor in the long waits behind other like-minded souls in the post office queue as we wait to return the items and we have constructed a recipe for disaster.
We buy a Christmas jumper to try and get into the spirit but end up looking like a fraud, feeling as if the clothes item must be worn as it will be back in the wardrobe by boxing day: we buy cranberry sauce no one touches and then have the in laws around to trash the place laden with yet more Lynx gifts to keep the outlaw smell at bay.
To become miserable about Christmas just becomes too easy as the years advance. It becomes a given that the man of the house will be the grumpy one who just wants to sit and watch a boxset and not have to play charades or monopoly whilst the queen’s speech is on air. He receives the naffest presents, understandably, as he is the most difficult to buy for and is the butt of the joke when given a ‘comedy’ tie depicting bugs bunny and Mister Magoo along with some pants emblazoned with Pamela Anderson’s face.
But you know what? Despite being at that life stage, I wouldn’t change it and will realise when old, and its gone, with the kids forging their own lives, how much those pants mean to me as the highlight of the yuletide week is standing outside Next at 6am on boxing day to buy some half price Lynx box sets as I’m running dry. It is at that time I, and no doubt miserable Mags will count our blessings and embrace the season to be jolly despite seemingly dwelling on the numerous negatives. Maybe he will be embarrassed with his 2019 musical offering, god knows I am embarrassed for him and ive not even heard it. That said, knowing me, knowing yule Aha’s Mags may have another moment when the sun shines not only on TV but on the Christmas season as well...
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