‘Comebacks’ are rarely welcomed as they invariably fail to live up to the hype: See Peter Kay, Elton John and, er, syphilis (now there’s a column opener I thought I'd never write!).

But the moment none of us has been waiting for has arrived - medieval illnesses are back!

Syphilis cases have trebled in recent years. Peculiarly, the Manchester Evening News has, for some unknown reason, produced an ‘interactive syphilis map’ so you can ‘track’ where the disease is most prevalent.

At its peak in the late 1800s, 20% of Londoners were thought to have tested positive by their 35th birthday as the lack of sanitation and sexual education were contributing factors to a disease that credited the French armies of 500 years ago as the original instigators of its European introduction.

In medieval times, there were a number of beliefs as to why such unpleasant diseases were spread including ‘god’, the supernatural, bad smells (caused by an absence of sanitation, overcrowding in cities and the proximity in which humans lived with animals) and the ‘four humours’, believed by doctors to be the imbalance between bodily fluids.

Other nasties that, thankfully, have not made a comeback since medieval times include the bubonic plague and sweating sickness, which is likely kryptonite to at least one unnamed minor royal.

Brett Ellis wonders about the return of old diseasesBrett Ellis wonders about the return of old diseases

The one that really interests me however made a brief appearance for a couple of months back in 1518 in Strasbourg. Mrs Troffea, for some unexplained reason, went into the street and started dancing, only stopping when she collapsed with exhaustion.

She would be joined by 30 other people who would all, in a state of mania, dance with her until they too collapsed.

A few months later and the illness had been eradicated, arguably only being seen more recently at 90’s raves in a field somewhere in Hampshire.

And, just like musicians who make comebacks after the spotlight has dimmed, the reason is similar as to why medieval illnesses are back on the block with ‘poverty’ being the main driver.

With one in six of us living in poverty in the UK at present, adults and children are twice as likely to die of disease in such stricken areas as they are when compared to more prosperous neighbourhoods.

All the above does however reaffirm my ambition to leave people, things and illness behind, to go and live in the highlands in Scotland, far from the madding crowd, albeit preferably with a Sky Football connection and local Sainsbury delivery service.

That said, knowing my luck, I’m likely to get nipped by an ewe and see my days out in a Scottish infirmary where they cannot understand me nor me them, as I suffer the fall out of an uninvited bout of rabies, y’ken?

  • Brett Ellis is a teacher.