Brett Ellis is angry about constant security checks

Although infrequent, we can put man on the moon, destroy towns with a single laser-guided missile and even fly supersonically, all tasks that show mankind’s progression.

But then we look at security and our reliance on technology that, despite protestations to the contrary, generally fails to fill the gap.

Electric cars are a swindle unless you’re happy with travelling but a few miles before leaving it on charge overnight and don’t worry about the cyclists as the silent killer takes out yet another two-wheel environmental brethren.

I visited the hospital lately and noted that the security measures have not changed in my living memory. Now, it is highly unlikely that I would get wind of another’s appointment and then attend the hospital in their place, so I am unsure as to the ‘security’ measures in place upon arriving at reception.

Brett Ellis struggles with some security checks They generally start with a toughie such as ‘What’s your name’ which is on the appointment letter you’ve just handed to them. If you can pass this test, you are then faced with the ‘What’s the first line of your address and postcode?’ which must separate the fraudulent wheat from the ne’er-do-well chaff.

After arriving home, you decide to relax by watching something on iPlayer. The box pings up: ‘Do you have a TV licence: yes or no.’ I have been tempted to tick ‘no’ just to see what happens, but I am not brave enough. I fully expect to be locked out of BBC content for my lifetime, not that that would necessarily be a bad thing, but I just don’t have the cajónes.

But the crème de la crème of online security features - the Daddy, the undisputed don is the ‘tick all boxes with’ feature which is the security equivalent of University Challenge.

Now it sounds easy to tick all the squares containing ‘a bike,’ but for the OCD amongst us, there is mass confusion as a millimetre of the bike wheel goes into the top right box and the saddle juts into the centre left box. Does it mean in whole or part? If I don’t tick it, I may never get to see the video of a horse charging a hiker in deepest Dorset before breathing a huge sigh of relief once I reach the virtual hallowed lands.

The old-style banking security was a mare - who can forget the strange code generator machine they sent through the post that never worked as you instead went all old school and visited a branch when they had that thing called ‘staff’ serving you before we were forced to serve ourselves, but that is another moan for another column.

For now, I will keep on bucking security features, no matter how cumbersome and frustrating they can be at times.

• Brett Ellis is a teacher.