As a species, we are constantly looking for upgrades, be they our phones, knowledge banks, or partners.

The grass that if fed to us today is always greener than the previous greenery as we all succumb to the drip-drip marketing messages and buy further into the disappointment…

One such downgrade is that of electric vehicles. As an ‘upgrade,’ the EV is anything but.

It is quieter than a bog-standard car thus lulling cyclists into an early grave as one of their senses is knocked out when approached from the rear, they also entice drivers into a false sense of security as usually with speed comes noise. EVs are expensive and take hours to juice up and that’s if you can find a charger which is unlikely!

Everyone is at the upgrade which is ultimately a downgrade: take Madonna. Please.

She has always come across as an unlikable, paranoid, narcissistic, egotistical diva who believed her own hype after a handful of decent pop ditties in the early 80s.

Since then she has attempted to upgrade, nay, ‘re-invent’ numerous times as she moved from a life of basic need to one of kabala cupping or whatever nonsense she espouses these days, through to attempting to shock by dating men who are old enough to be her sons or grandsons before dressing up like a pound shop lady of the night roaming the streets on a cold wet Wednesday evening in eastern Europe.

Brett Ellis is fed up of constant upgradesBrett Ellis is fed up of constant upgrades But then we come to possibly the worst upgrade of all time: that of customer service.

Gone are the days of trundling down to purchase a walnut cob and a copy of the daily rag from Missus Miggins down t’local shop, where, in addition to the purchase of said items, you would also be the gleeful recipient of a gallon of gossip as you were treated as a welcome visitor and not a glorified cash cow.

In the words of Thomas Betram Lance, ‘if it ain't broke, don’t fix it’ to which I might add, or ‘upgrade it.’

We need to see upgrades for what they really are - yet further revenue streams for the producers.

 If the PS1 was good enough, or the original word for Windows or even the iPhone come to that, then there would be little to no need for new versions which solve problems that are nothing but a figment of the imagination.

Either that or I am one cynical son of a gun, but, either way, I say stick with what you know and stop allowing them to take us as the gullible clowns we are proving ourselves to be - a change of mindset is the only real upgrade we need!

  • Brett Ellis is a teacher.