I CAN'T claim to have ever played against a professional Chinese table tennis player, but I can only imagine that the experience would be something like taking on Woodford Wells’ new coach.

The local ping-pong club have invested in a unique state-of-the-art robot to simulate some of the better players they might encounter in the West Essex and Cheshunt leagues.

The club shelled out £1200 for Tibhar Robo Pro Genius, with almost half of that sum funded by a £500 grant from Redbridge Sports Forum, which provides financial help to local clubs in need of new equipment or services.

A net at the end of the table snares flying balls and feeds them back into the machine, which then fires them out at various speeds from a rotating cannon.

Before I had arrived, none of its members had dared turn the dial all the way round to maximum power . . . that was about to change.

With little but a few leisurely games over a pinacolada on holiday behind me, it was clear I was in for a shock.

Nevertheless, I arrived determined to hold my own against a barrage of wickedly spinning balls.

Woodford Wells’ assistant coaching officer Keith Turner was kind enough to instruct Tibhar, using a keypad of dials attached to the table, to take it easy on me first of all.

But that proved difficult enough, as I struggled to cope with the gentle top spin offered by the machine.

Balls skewed off my bat in different directions, sending Keith scurrying after them with a giant fishing net.

Indeed, there seemed little danger of me hitting the net designed to catch the balls, let alone the one in the middle of the table.

However, as the balls relentlessly thudded over my side of the table, slowly I began to find a way to get them back, much to the relief of Keith, who was receiving more of a workout chasing rogue balls than I was hitting them.

After pausing to catch my breath, I – somewhat misguidedly – challenged Tibhar to go into turbo mode.

Keith, a seasoned competitor on the table tennis circuit, had told the Guardian before my visit that the club’s members ‘would need a lot of practice before we go up to max power’, a comment which clearly illustrated the naivety of my request.

Keith clearly wanted to see my impetuousness punished, as he agreed to put the machine into overdrive.

And punished, I was.

Tibhar was instructed to apply a heavy degree of top spin, and to fire one and a half balls a second in my direction.

The result was something I can only compare to a war zone.

I didn’t know whether to run for cover or stand and fight as a hail of little white missiles came hurtling towards me. No sooner had I completed one stroke, than another ball had whizzed past my bat.

After being pulled from pillar to post for several exhausting minutes, I was eventually put out of my misery.

Indeed, so dizzying was the ordeal that I tripped over the bordering hoardings in an attempt to escape the arena.

Little wonder that the club had avoided letting Tibhar off the leash before my arrival.

I’d have been better off facing a Chinese professional.

* Anybody interested in joining Woodford Wells table tennis club should contact Keith Turner on 01708 731348.